Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
