Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
