you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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