As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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