I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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