You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
