so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
