She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
