did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
