careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
