I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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