She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
