Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
