Your dad touched me again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
