Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I will be naked everywhere
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
