I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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