Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
