dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
