I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
