I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
