everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
