so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
