When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
