didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
