Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
