So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
