Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
