the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
