Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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