First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
