Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
