I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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