here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
