I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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