He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
