just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
