Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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