And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
