he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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