Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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