Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
