shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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