So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
where are my eyebrows?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
