broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
