Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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