You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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