Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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