Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
