If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
