yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
