He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
